Coming a full circle

Its good weather in Ahmedabad,finally some respite from the scorching sun,the campus by the looks of it could give any leisure resort a run for its money(the only thing that is lacking is a row of hammocks),but thats about it,the kind of nerve wrecking days I spend, come nowhere close to leisure.

I like what I am currently doing,i.e. my college, my course,my electives and my friends.I am reasonably content with my grades, although I still feel ,like I always do, that I could push myself more.So pretty much everything is falling in place for me.Life's become predictable,as in, ya 5 months down the line I am assured of a job(MICA boasts of 100% placement since its inception,so I'll have to be stunningly out of luck to achieve a feat like not securing a job for myself.)It's all set.

But what now seems to be a cakewalk now (all the long hours and late nights,and practically no time for onself ,and a dog eat dog kind of atmosphere notwithstanding) is a culmination of years and years of ,well, for the lack of a better word-preparation.

What amazes me is the fact that what didn't make sense at the outset seems so logical and well orchestrated now.Like my giving up science and engineering,taking up what I really wanted to do,where my heart lay-Psychology.And then getting through MICA by sheer stroke of luck.(I had a single call through CAT)When almost everyone had written me off.Even the small little stints here and there, like working for Muskaan(A Jaipur based NGO dedicated to Road Safety among youth),and dabbling into serious theatre make so much sense.Like it was to be.

All said and done, I still feel a gnawing void within me, a debilitating feeling of maybe insecurity,well not exactly that ,but something on those lines.Maybe its momentary(or atleast I'd like to believe that).It doesn't have anything to do with career or day to day life ,but its a larger all encompassing doubt .That everything can't be so hunky-dory.It can almost be translated to an unknown fear, a distrust in destiny.There is so much to think about, so much more to know, and so much to explore,a lifetime is not enough.I fear that a year down I'll become too smug in my job that I'll forget all the other plans.And there are other irrational ,rambling,unresolved thoughts in the inner recesses of my mind which I don't have access to now.What shall I do about them?Its so ironical that , the fact that I almost know what I'll be doing an year from now is making me anxious(As I write I am hoping to be pleasantly suprised).I am a victim of of certainty and not uncertainty.And also how my other plans ,fit into the scheme of things.

If I take a route of cautious optimism , and keep faith in the law of averages,then even this phase of bewilderment and apprehension( of I dunno what?)will pass.Anyway, all this fretting and ruminating is going to result in nothing ,but obscure and long winding posts and test the patience of a pertinacious reader.

Believe you me ,dear reader, I am okay,but for the 12 hr. long field days in class, and a pile of things to do(well,its quite a pile).And am suffering from acute procrastinaiton.

Do come back.Consider this as an aberration.