Meandering Thoughts

Hell hath no fury like a woman who hasn't slept for days.

There is so much ambiguity, I am as blank as ever,I love Mum and Dad, but come to think about it, its a pointless existence,as banal as ever.I might as well not exist.I am not doing much out here anyway...they could've done without me. I frankly don't harbour the romantic notions of 'making a difference'.And neither do I agree with Paulo Coelho, when he says in the the book 'the Alchemist', that no matter in how small a way , but every person alters the course of history, it sounds plausible for once , but to tell you the truth is too far fetched.

Okay just shut up...don't brand me as a pessimist,'coz I am sick of being judged, I am better off without it.Whichever way you look at it, all our lives are so similar, all of us wear Levi's and Nike, want fat starting salaries, a suitable match,want to travel the whole world,see more or less the same movies are exposed to the same media and seek acceptance and affiliation from our respective peer groups.At some point of our lives we've all wanted to do something 'unique' and 'more meaningful'.Well all these are sweeping statements, and when I say all this I am referring to people of my profile,which is not a representative sample at all, if you consider the population of India as the universe, but for all those reading my blog, I think it is representative enough!

At a tangent:

There are only so many choices in life.It is but a limited existence.At the core of our personalities we're all schizoprenics.And as Indians , we're stuck between some obscure ideas of 'traditions' and 'morality' which we're ready to barter at the drop of the hat for 'worldly pleasures'.We are a repressed race, both sexually and intellectually and hence the double standards.We've rationalized the whole thing about the Great Indian Sanskriti and sanskars.I am too bored of the argument that, what the hell do you mean by self-actualization , when whatever percent(any arbit figure...like say 45%) of your countrymen don't have access to safe drinking water, or two square meals a day , or elecricity,roads and blah blah blah.Okay then , what about the rest 55%???I am sick of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you won't believe it , but I have been studying it every single year , since the last 5 years!!!

And to whatever extent I deny it, I am a Freudian at heart and would remain that.Would read everything from that standpoint, of that of the theory of psychoanalysis.Like using ego-defense mechanisms such as rationalization and diplacement,which are manifested in my actions now at this very moment.The more I dissect his work , more convinced I become.People have this incorrigible habit of jumping to conclusions, when they read Freud literally.In my opinion he should be read as 'the Bhagwadgeeta'.Both the texts , if interpreted literally would not be as profound, or in the former case may sound preposterous and absurd .But as in Bhagwadgeeta , the thoeries of Freud have a grain of truth in it , if read between the lines. I don't think a person could alter the course of Psychology as an art or a science, or an applied field on the basis of sheer sensationalism.All said and done he remains to be the the undisputed poster-boy of psychoanalysis and is among the most influential and revered psychologists of all time.

And that is it, yet another day breaks,at the crack of the dawn this is the last thing I want be doing,insomnia is getting the better of me, and I don't want to resort to sedatives at this stage,there's hope still.This time around, I will see a Doc.I mean a night full of chatting on messengers, orkutting,checking mails and blogging is not my idea of fun.By now I have searched so much about it on the net and elsewhere that I can write a second thesis on it!

Yearning for a good night's sleep, this is me signing off.