Coming a full circle

Its good weather in Ahmedabad,finally some respite from the scorching sun,the campus by the looks of it could give any leisure resort a run for its money(the only thing that is lacking is a row of hammocks),but thats about it,the kind of nerve wrecking days I spend, come nowhere close to leisure.

I like what I am currently doing,i.e. my college, my course,my electives and my friends.I am reasonably content with my grades, although I still feel ,like I always do, that I could push myself more.So pretty much everything is falling in place for me.Life's become predictable,as in, ya 5 months down the line I am assured of a job(MICA boasts of 100% placement since its inception,so I'll have to be stunningly out of luck to achieve a feat like not securing a job for myself.)It's all set.

But what now seems to be a cakewalk now (all the long hours and late nights,and practically no time for onself ,and a dog eat dog kind of atmosphere notwithstanding) is a culmination of years and years of ,well, for the lack of a better word-preparation.

What amazes me is the fact that what didn't make sense at the outset seems so logical and well orchestrated now.Like my giving up science and engineering,taking up what I really wanted to do,where my heart lay-Psychology.And then getting through MICA by sheer stroke of luck.(I had a single call through CAT)When almost everyone had written me off.Even the small little stints here and there, like working for Muskaan(A Jaipur based NGO dedicated to Road Safety among youth),and dabbling into serious theatre make so much sense.Like it was to be.

All said and done, I still feel a gnawing void within me, a debilitating feeling of maybe insecurity,well not exactly that ,but something on those lines.Maybe its momentary(or atleast I'd like to believe that).It doesn't have anything to do with career or day to day life ,but its a larger all encompassing doubt .That everything can't be so hunky-dory.It can almost be translated to an unknown fear, a distrust in destiny.There is so much to think about, so much more to know, and so much to explore,a lifetime is not enough.I fear that a year down I'll become too smug in my job that I'll forget all the other plans.And there are other irrational ,rambling,unresolved thoughts in the inner recesses of my mind which I don't have access to now.What shall I do about them?Its so ironical that , the fact that I almost know what I'll be doing an year from now is making me anxious(As I write I am hoping to be pleasantly suprised).I am a victim of of certainty and not uncertainty.And also how my other plans ,fit into the scheme of things.

If I take a route of cautious optimism , and keep faith in the law of averages,then even this phase of bewilderment and apprehension( of I dunno what?)will pass.Anyway, all this fretting and ruminating is going to result in nothing ,but obscure and long winding posts and test the patience of a pertinacious reader.

Believe you me ,dear reader, I am okay,but for the 12 hr. long field days in class, and a pile of things to do(well,its quite a pile).And am suffering from acute procrastinaiton.

Do come back.Consider this as an aberration.

Its not PMS...

5 partition films in 3 days -a chocolate binge for the last 2 days.-and finally breaking down and shutting myself yesterday-its not PMS.

Taking stock one by one-As part of the film appreciation course I saw Khamosh Paani,Pinjar,1947 Earth,Train to Pakistan and Meghe Dhake Tara(Ritwik Ghatak).The last one,left me weeping, rather howling inconsolably.I ran for about 4 kilometeres straight after watching Meghe Dhaake Tara.It was metaphorical.I dunno what was I running away from.Needless to say it is a brilliant film, but too depressing after four gory movies already.

Chocolate means more to me than just a confectionary item.It is beyond the popular interpretations like an expression of love.A small gift or a token of friendship or a bribe .It helps me connect to myself.Its my source of caffeine after I gave up coffee.
Chocolate to me is a life saving medicine.It never lets me down.I am the person the Hershey's ,Cadbury's and the Lindt's of the world target. I give them market share and revenues,coming to think about it ,this can boil down to a very strong consumer insight-"The Connection Between Chocolate and Women"(a potential thesis topic?).Or " Cocoa and its Stress Alleviating Effects"
Thanks to some of my loving friends who make it a point to buy me a bar everytime they go out, I never run out of stock.Then I borrowed a bar from Parul.When I went to Adi's room yesterday he offered me a bar of Snickers,and Karishma the sweetheart that she is shared with me her chest of homemade gourmet chocolate(sigh).The other day I had bought Bhatta a bag of goodies form Upper Crust, and being the cheapo that I am I had most of it myself on the pretext that as of now he's not well ,and that I'll buy him more once he gets better. Its not just plain chocolate that I am enslaved by,it surely comes in various garbs,so I had a pack of chocolate chip biscuits as a grand finale,and also the sandesh (well its not relevant in this discussion,but is still a sweet),that Chulbul got from Calcutta yesterday.No its not the social pressures to eat that I succumb to .Its just that I have an incorrigible sweet tooth and that the predilection for anything sweet cuts across categories.And that, more than anything else it might just be a coping mechanism.

But its not as if I don't have preferences,for example,I fail to understand how can people like After Eight,I simply cannot fathom how can chocolate and mint be a combination.And why is white chocolate(Milky Bar and its foreign cousins) even classified in that category.In my opinion it is an outcast.
Except for the aforementioned categories I am incapable of hating chocolate per se.But if you really wanna know what i dig into, then its got to be a huge bar of Lindt Swiss Milk Hazelnut ,or for that matter a pack of Hershey's Kisses which comes in handy if I want to wash away my blues.
Chocolate is made from tropical cacao tree, Theobroma cacao, which was native to Central America and Mexico, discovered by ancient Mayas and Aztecs. The beans have an intensely flavoured bitter taste. The resulting products are known as "chocolate" or, in some parts of the world, cocoa.
Theobroma is Greek for "food of the gods".
All through these ages, adjectives such as tempting,alluring and irresistible have been associated with chocolate,it is also said to be an aphrodisiac.
In my case it is the "feel-good" aspect,the serotonin that does it.Another feeling associate with going on a chocolate eating spree is the guilt that ensues.Its like commiting a sweet sin,which you would invariably regret later.It nullifies the effect of the 4 km of jogging and crunches that I religiously squeeze out time to do every day.
But I don't mind being a glutton once in while,'coz I trust it,and it understands my mood swings better than any specimen of the human species.And for once, I want to thank the Mayas and the Aztecs for giving it to the world.Thank you all.

Just shut up...you

It just irks me...
The gibberish.....the noise
All the blabbering...the pfaff...
Necessary evil..huh....don't give me that crap....
The Braaand Management,and then i tell myself-"it hasn't even started sweetie".How I wish all of us could do without it.
No this post is not going to be about the level of DCP(desperate class participation),and how all of us love to hate it ,but still indulge in it.Its also not going to be about my pangs of switching worlds, so often.Generally I find that in the course of an year my capacity to put up with unnecessarily pretentious and vague language has skyrockted.So much so that of late I've started throwing jargon at unsuspecting non-practitioners.Its just rubbed on me,its all around me ,I can't escape it even if i wanted to.I can't still hold that one can do without it,and its not all it takes ,I'm still holding to my rein ,for how long I dunno.I am so afraid that some time very soon I'll have to take the plunge.Start pfaffing,and contribute to the ever increasing decibel levels.What concerns me all the more is that its never going to cease in my trade.Whatever level I achieve. No, I don't even see a bleak ray of hope of surviving without creating a lot of noise.I'll just have to find subtler ways to put my thing across.Ya it is an oxymoron subtle rhetoric (an aha moment!!)This is the trade of slick talkers after all.But I've got nothing against those who have the gift of the gab,but dude if only you made sense to me.(Ok drop the 'me',if only you made sense.Period.)And the windbags obviously put me off beyond measure.(I swear I shall not use my blog to vent pent-up emotions)
It was during my summers that I became painfully aware of the fact that,its only going to increase.Oh dear Lord...!!.And no I don't think I am in the wrong profession or some such thing.
It might seem confusing ,but you know that is what it is exactly.I am of the opinion that there is a very thin line between being meaningfully glib and smooth-talking one's way to glory while making the same point many times over ,without having people realise it.
So what are we gonna do 'bout it?For now ,just being sullen at the unfairness of it all.And for laterss..yeah...living in a world of oxymorons.Braand Management here I come!!!

Wide Angle

This Friday all of us felt fried with 'work'(sorry for the poor attempt at a joke.....but its 3:15 in the morning:)).I got up lazily at around 1:30 in the afternoon that day,by the time i got ready lunch time was over at the mess,so Shagun and I were compelled to go to Chota.Sometimes I feel that why do i even pay for food in the mess 'coz in a week that I've been at MICA I've hardly eaten 2-3 meals in the mess.Thrice we've gone out for dinner.Other times I either snack at the venerable chota canteen or skip meals in a desperate attempt to lose weight(while its a different story that nothing seems to work on me).Mukul had asked me the day before that whether i wanted to come for Superman Returns ,and I had agreed.So there were around 10 of us who were to go.Before that i caught Crafting Sandwich at Chota,Mahima and Abhi joined us there and it was beautiful weather,we discussed Ragging,Banglore,and how with the installation of a computerised system at Chota we're less likely to get duped.

It was already 3:45 ,and we were to leave by 4:00.Rushed to my Hostel and got ready in 2 min. flat.10 of us in a single Tuk-Tuk.We reached Wide Angle in time .The guys wanted to buy the Rs. 50 tickets.I was a little concerned.Finally Shipra intervened and we got more expensive tickets done.
I absolutely loved the movie though many of us didn't find it all that great. Ya i like Spider Man better but I've also grown up watching Super Man.My favourite scene was undoubtely the one in which Lois Lane is in the Ship with Lex Luther ,and he tells her about his plans and he insists on hearing her say -"Superman will never let you ...." In that scene Kevin Spacey Does what Prof.Ram Kumar would fondly call a griffe(means a master stroke in French).
On our way back on the Sarkhej -Highway i came across something hilarious,a tea stall ...I guess the picture says it all.
Later in the day Argentina lost to the Germans.Bhatta was inconsolable.I again went to chota at around 2:00 in the night to have to have Egg-Bhurji.